Jumanji: Welcome to the Downsizing – Reviews

jumanjiAlright, about 3 weeks ago I said I would have a review of Jumanji and Downsizing. I’m finally getting around to those. It’s been a while since I’ve seen either so I’ll probably be keeping these fairly short, there may be spoilers on the off change you haven’t seen Jumanji yet. You probably haven’t seen Downsizing and frankly that’s ok.

First up, Jumanji. Go see it.

Review over.

Alright, if you haven’t seen the first Jumanji (I haven’t seen it in it’s entirety, but enough to get the general gist) this one kind of follows the same format. Guy finds the game on a beach and brings it home for his son, who wonders who plays board games anymore. Jumanji apparently takes some offense to this and turns itself into a video game, which wakes up the teenage son who then has to play it because who doesn’t play a strange video game that suddenly shows up and wakes you up in the middle of the night?

Cut to 20+ years later and we start to meet the main characters, the dorky nerdy kid playing Street Fighter V (I’m on it, play me Rubix510!) then we see him doing someone elses homework, for his buddy the jock (Cause stereotypes). They go to school, get caught, a couple of girls get in trouble and all end up in detention a la Power Rangers, or breakfast club or whatever.

Anyways, you already know this from the previews, probably. The end up in the game of Jumanji and now stereotypes are gone, jock has become tiny Kevin Heart, nerd is now giant Dwayne Johnson, the hot girl is now Jack Black (Who is awesome by the way, he kills this roll) and shy girl becomes hot Amy, the girl who waited.

The go through various hijinks, explore some gaming tropes such as the NPCs who say the same things over and over, die a few times (Video games, 3 lives) meet the aforementioned kid and you can probably figure out the rest.

The movie is a lot of fun, its funny, with Dwayne selling the role of playing the young nerdy kid (hasn’t he done this already with Kevin Heart?) Jack Black totally nailing the young hot vacant girl using her looks for everything, and Karen Gillian somehow manages to be both hot and not know how to be hot and its hilarious.

Over all, its a fun movie worth seeing. It’s not breaking any ground, its pretty by the numbers and there’s no surprise twist to find. But you should go see it if you haven’t before and could use a good action/comedy.

Alright, downsizing.


This isn’t a bad movie, it’s just not a good movie. It doesn’t seem to know what it wants to be. The marketing makes it seem like its going to be about a guy starting over and filled with sight gags about being small. There are maybe 4 sight gags total in it, they aren’t really a part of the movie. Downsizing seems to suffer from the same issues as Suicide Squad, there’s the actual movie, and then there’s the marketing and they don’t match up.

There’s a very important character who doesn’t even show up in any of the previews, but really much of it revolves around her once she’s introduced. Most of the comedy comes from her as well, but there isn’t much. Matt Damon is there to move it along, but never really seems to have any idea what he’s doing, which I suppose is kind of central to the character. As one guy in it says “That guy can’t do anything right, he can’t even screw up without screwing up.” I think, its been a while since I saw it, but that pretty much sums up his life.

Important life lesson that is learned from this movie though, there are 8 kinds of fucks:

hate fuck

love fuck

friend fuck

drunk fuck

love fuck

sex only fuck

break up fuck

makeup fuck

There’s a PSA for you.

The movie is I think trying for social commentary on the nature of our affect on our planet, and on each other. How new technologies meant for good can be used for evil, the economics of change and the winners and losers in it.

But whatever message they’re trying to make, gets lost in a movie that just doesn’t seem to know what it wants. So Redbox or HBO maybe, but I wouldn’t bother with the theater, unless its like one of those cheap theaters and you’ve got nothing better to do.

And want to listen to a Vietnamese lady constantly call Matt Damon stupid and list off the different types of fucks.

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